what a day!!!

started off ash mikayla brooke me and kristopher heading to plimouth plantation today despite the rain.
according to the radar by the time we got there we would have about 3 good hrs of no rain!! so off in the car we go,,going along just fine until the exit to the plantation,,down pouring and wiper motor goes!!! so we pull over under an underpass and wait for it to die down. after about 15 min we proceed to the plantation when...BANG, flat tire! so pull off to side again, broken motor for wipers and flat! nooo problem ill call AAA...while on phone realized my membership ended in APRIL!! UGHHHH so rejoined for $50. not a biggie...50 bucks to change tire and get us to our destination. while they finished the rain stopped. we had a great time at plimouth plantation! ohhhhh the ride home, as soon as we hit the highway....RAIN, not sprinkles not showers,monsoon like rain! Ride home was 20mph in breakdown lane with hazzards flashing!

so, i decided after a day like today i deserve a good supper. i wanted a clamboil, i went and got 10 lbs of steamers, yummmmm upon comming home, i dumped out the clams,,,yup u guessed it ! WRONG CLAMS they gave me 10 lbs of little necks! dont get me wrong i love little necks but thats not enuff to feed my family! sooooo back to the store i go!
thus the name of this post,,,,WHAT A DAY!

past,,,and,,future

Family, a link to our past and a bridge to our future...

Very true on many levels.  how many of us feel comfortable speaking about our pasts?
not just the silly things weve done, but the people who we left in it.
The family we have, builds into the family we will have in the future ,
how we raise our children, how our children raise theirs and so on.

Im greatful that i was able to get a glimps into my past, meaning the people in my past.
Not that i ever even knew them,but by knowing them now, and having them apart of my life
and my familys life, gives me a glimps into what a wonderful future we have in front of us.

Adoption

 

ADOPTION

ADOPTION

wow, tonight while putting kris to bed i said the word  ADOPTION again to him and asked what it meant,
he said "mom and dad' loved me.  I said of course, mommy and daddy loves you all. So as I laid with him in his bed, i said, of course mommy and daddy love u and your sisters, BUT whos belly did you come from? He said it,, TITI, i said YES,and Why are you with DADDY and I? I waited with bated breath to hear his answer,,,, "because, you love, me, brandi, jessika, ashleigh, mikayla, brooke, KAYLA and madison and scotty/"    oh my gosh,  Kris see kayla as part of our family!!!
I know I have done a good thing!! AT 4 yrs old my son has more knowledge than an adult!

Fear

So many people have fears.  Fear of heights, dark, bugs, being closed in,  our children will make the wrong choices, etc. As an adoptive mom i have fears that the average mom doesnt. As an amom in a fully open adoption it makes you look at your fears head on.

There are so many different types of adoptions. Closed,,,where no identifiable information is exchanged
semi open..where maybe letters are exchanged or a picture here and there,,then open,,where both parties agreee to visits, communication, etc for the child that was placed.

Experts say that open adoption is best for children because they never have to wonder what their story is. That they will benefit knowing that their Bmother didnt just up and abandon them. All that is WONDERFUL for the child, but it puts a fear in an Amom like myself.
I know it shouldnt but were human and fear is part of life.

My fear, what if my son hates ME. What if my son speaks the words every Amom fears, "your not my REAL mom" OF course i know that isnt true because DNA doesnt make you a mom, but the fear of hearing that someday breaks my heart. Right now my son has a great relationship with this Bmother, they giggle,, tickel, joke around, she gets to be the FUN one, where I on the other hand have to be the one to discipline, guide, set rules, bedtimes etc. Sometimes I get jealous of that FUN relationship , i know i have no reason to but thats the FEAR setting in, the fear of "what if he decides he likes the FUN more than me?" I know, this all sounds crazy, but its a real and im sure selfish feeling that i have, because i know that openess is the only way to have an adoption and i would never have done it any other way , but again, im human, and FEAR is in the human nature.

end of school..beginning of more to come

well today all the kids end the school year! it has been a year of acheivements and growth.
As of september we will have a senior in hs,,junior in hs,, 8thgrade, 7thgrade, 3rd grade and prek!
Wow does time fly, next year at this time i will be planning a grad party! Getting ready to send one off to college . This time brings mixed feelings, feelings that wow, things are getting easier for dan and i with the kids growing up and then at the same time feeling sad BECAUSE they are growing up lol.

This makes me think back to when they were all little, thinking gee cant wait till they get to school and grow up. How i wish i could hit the pause button now. I wouldnt have to worry about having kids leave home and miss them. i know thats selfish of me but oh well ; )


This is making me think of the future and what it holds for us all. weddings, baby showers, grand children are not so far away any more. Its not just the kids moving forward and growing up, its also my
time to grow and adjust to all these new adventures !

LACONIA

WELL WE ARE HOME FROM LACONIA. WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD. I WENT WITH MY BRO, SIS IN LAW, AND HER PARENTS. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A FEW YEARS IT WAS JUST DAN AND I AND NO KIDS. IT WAS GREAT FOR A DAY OR SO,, BUT THEN I MISSED HEARING THE WORD MOM,,MOMMY MA. I CANT IMAGINE A TIME WHEN IM NOT GOING TO HEAR THAT EVERY DAY. THE TIME IS GETTING CLOSE TO WHERE MY 2 OLDEST WONT BE AROUND AS MUCH AND HEARING MOM WILL BE SOMTNHING ILL HEAR FROM THE YOUNGER 4.

IT WAS GREAT GETTING AWAY, BEING WITH MY HUBBY AND OTHER ADULTS, BUT IT MAKES ME APPRECIATE THE INCREDIBLE FAMILY IVE BEEN BLESSED WITH, I GET TO BE A MOM TO GREAT KIDS, AND A WIFE TO A WONDERFUL MAN, WHO IM PROUD TO SAY IS THE FATHER OF THE MOST AMAZING KIDS!!!

TILL LACONIA 2012,,,,,WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO

questions???????

Well the questions have begun. As i was watching 16 and pregnant, my son asks,,,"mom do u have a baby in your belly',,,of course my answer was a resounding NOOOO!!!! he said,,",ti ti has a baby in her belly,",i said yes she does,,,he says,,",she had 2 babies in her belly".  OOOMMMMGGGG!! he has begun to understand! I mean  its great, but at the same time,,,OMG!  I said,,one of the babies were you, and now she has naython. HE said "your my mommy" omg, omg  omg. This child is 4 and he is beginning to understand his story.  Im scared, what if,,,what if he hates me, what if he wants to  be raised by his bio mom, what if....what if.... UGH!!!!!


I spoke to k,,,and she has what ifs too,,,what if he hates her,,,what if he never wants to see her again? 
Isnt it crazy, the 2 most important women in his life are scared! We are scared of what he may think and do.

The one thing we have is an unconditional love for kris.