Fear

So many people have fears.  Fear of heights, dark, bugs, being closed in,  our children will make the wrong choices, etc. As an adoptive mom i have fears that the average mom doesnt. As an amom in a fully open adoption it makes you look at your fears head on.

There are so many different types of adoptions. Closed,,,where no identifiable information is exchanged
semi open..where maybe letters are exchanged or a picture here and there,,then open,,where both parties agreee to visits, communication, etc for the child that was placed.

Experts say that open adoption is best for children because they never have to wonder what their story is. That they will benefit knowing that their Bmother didnt just up and abandon them. All that is WONDERFUL for the child, but it puts a fear in an Amom like myself.
I know it shouldnt but were human and fear is part of life.

My fear, what if my son hates ME. What if my son speaks the words every Amom fears, "your not my REAL mom" OF course i know that isnt true because DNA doesnt make you a mom, but the fear of hearing that someday breaks my heart. Right now my son has a great relationship with this Bmother, they giggle,, tickel, joke around, she gets to be the FUN one, where I on the other hand have to be the one to discipline, guide, set rules, bedtimes etc. Sometimes I get jealous of that FUN relationship , i know i have no reason to but thats the FEAR setting in, the fear of "what if he decides he likes the FUN more than me?" I know, this all sounds crazy, but its a real and im sure selfish feeling that i have, because i know that openess is the only way to have an adoption and i would never have done it any other way , but again, im human, and FEAR is in the human nature.