Adoption

 

ADOPTION

ADOPTION

wow, tonight while putting kris to bed i said the word  ADOPTION again to him and asked what it meant,
he said "mom and dad' loved me.  I said of course, mommy and daddy loves you all. So as I laid with him in his bed, i said, of course mommy and daddy love u and your sisters, BUT whos belly did you come from? He said it,, TITI, i said YES,and Why are you with DADDY and I? I waited with bated breath to hear his answer,,,, "because, you love, me, brandi, jessika, ashleigh, mikayla, brooke, KAYLA and madison and scotty/"    oh my gosh,  Kris see kayla as part of our family!!!
I know I have done a good thing!! AT 4 yrs old my son has more knowledge than an adult!

Fear

So many people have fears.  Fear of heights, dark, bugs, being closed in,  our children will make the wrong choices, etc. As an adoptive mom i have fears that the average mom doesnt. As an amom in a fully open adoption it makes you look at your fears head on.

There are so many different types of adoptions. Closed,,,where no identifiable information is exchanged
semi open..where maybe letters are exchanged or a picture here and there,,then open,,where both parties agreee to visits, communication, etc for the child that was placed.

Experts say that open adoption is best for children because they never have to wonder what their story is. That they will benefit knowing that their Bmother didnt just up and abandon them. All that is WONDERFUL for the child, but it puts a fear in an Amom like myself.
I know it shouldnt but were human and fear is part of life.

My fear, what if my son hates ME. What if my son speaks the words every Amom fears, "your not my REAL mom" OF course i know that isnt true because DNA doesnt make you a mom, but the fear of hearing that someday breaks my heart. Right now my son has a great relationship with this Bmother, they giggle,, tickel, joke around, she gets to be the FUN one, where I on the other hand have to be the one to discipline, guide, set rules, bedtimes etc. Sometimes I get jealous of that FUN relationship , i know i have no reason to but thats the FEAR setting in, the fear of "what if he decides he likes the FUN more than me?" I know, this all sounds crazy, but its a real and im sure selfish feeling that i have, because i know that openess is the only way to have an adoption and i would never have done it any other way , but again, im human, and FEAR is in the human nature.

end of school..beginning of more to come

well today all the kids end the school year! it has been a year of acheivements and growth.
As of september we will have a senior in hs,,junior in hs,, 8thgrade, 7thgrade, 3rd grade and prek!
Wow does time fly, next year at this time i will be planning a grad party! Getting ready to send one off to college . This time brings mixed feelings, feelings that wow, things are getting easier for dan and i with the kids growing up and then at the same time feeling sad BECAUSE they are growing up lol.

This makes me think back to when they were all little, thinking gee cant wait till they get to school and grow up. How i wish i could hit the pause button now. I wouldnt have to worry about having kids leave home and miss them. i know thats selfish of me but oh well ; )


This is making me think of the future and what it holds for us all. weddings, baby showers, grand children are not so far away any more. Its not just the kids moving forward and growing up, its also my
time to grow and adjust to all these new adventures !

LACONIA

WELL WE ARE HOME FROM LACONIA. WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD. I WENT WITH MY BRO, SIS IN LAW, AND HER PARENTS. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A FEW YEARS IT WAS JUST DAN AND I AND NO KIDS. IT WAS GREAT FOR A DAY OR SO,, BUT THEN I MISSED HEARING THE WORD MOM,,MOMMY MA. I CANT IMAGINE A TIME WHEN IM NOT GOING TO HEAR THAT EVERY DAY. THE TIME IS GETTING CLOSE TO WHERE MY 2 OLDEST WONT BE AROUND AS MUCH AND HEARING MOM WILL BE SOMTNHING ILL HEAR FROM THE YOUNGER 4.

IT WAS GREAT GETTING AWAY, BEING WITH MY HUBBY AND OTHER ADULTS, BUT IT MAKES ME APPRECIATE THE INCREDIBLE FAMILY IVE BEEN BLESSED WITH, I GET TO BE A MOM TO GREAT KIDS, AND A WIFE TO A WONDERFUL MAN, WHO IM PROUD TO SAY IS THE FATHER OF THE MOST AMAZING KIDS!!!

TILL LACONIA 2012,,,,,WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO

questions???????

Well the questions have begun. As i was watching 16 and pregnant, my son asks,,,"mom do u have a baby in your belly',,,of course my answer was a resounding NOOOO!!!! he said,,",ti ti has a baby in her belly,",i said yes she does,,,he says,,",she had 2 babies in her belly".  OOOMMMMGGGG!! he has begun to understand! I mean  its great, but at the same time,,,OMG!  I said,,one of the babies were you, and now she has naython. HE said "your my mommy" omg, omg  omg. This child is 4 and he is beginning to understand his story.  Im scared, what if,,,what if he hates me, what if he wants to  be raised by his bio mom, what if....what if.... UGH!!!!!


I spoke to k,,,and she has what ifs too,,,what if he hates her,,,what if he never wants to see her again? 
Isnt it crazy, the 2 most important women in his life are scared! We are scared of what he may think and do.

The one thing we have is an unconditional love for kris.

time flies

So today im off to my sons preschool graduation! Gosh how time flies! I remember him as a chubby little baby ! : ) I miss that, to think some day it will be his highschool graduation! I think of how far he has come, from barley able to talk correctly to saying things like,,"ewww thats Biscusting" (discusting) lol
I have a hard time beleiving that they are all growing up. When my oldest was in preschool, I was one of the youngest parents, now with kris, im one of the oldest! ACK

As kristopher graduates preschool, im graduating to a new chapter in  life also, No more babies, toddlers, all big kids now! Sigh,,,its bittersweet :/

explinations...oh so hard

Kristopher Moss is wanted by police for home invasions in Fall River, Mass., and Tiverton, R.I.

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Police arrest RI, MA break-in suspect

Kristopher Moss wanted in Tiverton, Fall River

Updated: Monday, 13 Dec 2010, 1:14 PM EST
Published : Monday, 13 Dec 2010, 1:13 PM EST

• Tim O'Coin

FALL RIVER, Mass. (WPRI) - A man wanted for break-ins in Tiverton and Fall River has been arrested.
Fall River police said they took Kristopher Moss, 20 , into custody Friday, after receiving a tip on his whereabouts.
Police said Moss had a shotgun that had been stolen during a home invasion in Tiverton. He allegedly left the weapon behind during a break-in at a Fall River apartment.
Moss is facing numerous charges in connection with the break-ins. Police have also charged him with drug possession
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some day im going to have to explain this to my son. It breaks my heart! How do you do it?  How do i make him understand that this person shares his DNA!  Ive been doing alot of research into nature vs nurture, and i sure hope nurture wins in my situation!

school

Well its wednesday and i have class tonight! Ugh, dont get me wrong im glad that im furthering my education, it will benefit our family. Who would have thought that at almost 40 i would be going back?
I guess my 2 oldest and i will be doing homework together lol. Brandi is planning on going to umass for neonatal nursing next year and jess wants ER nursing, so we will be doing things together! go figure!

Between kids, work, and school, things are super busy.  My final is due in 3 weeks and at first i didnt
care about my grade but apparently my type A personality is kicking in lol. i dont just want to pass,,i want an A dam it!!! So i will keep you all updated on my grade!

truth??

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!!! Every one has heard that, now who really beleives it??
A friend asks you "does this look good on me " and you speak the truth and say "heck no, you look like a line backer"  How FREE will you be feeling???

But we should be truthful right? Thats what we have all been taught. Well I spoke the truth a few weeks ago and it almost started ww3! My oldest made a post on FB that said something to the effect of, "ugh I dont want to go to school next yr, they are adding more time to the classes"  I responded by saying, "you cant stop now, you are the first Botelho grandchild to GRADUATE! "  OMG youd have thought I committed a mortal sin! All I did was say what was true, she would be the first to graduate.  I was yelled at by 2 others saying that they "finished school. " Hmmm does finishing school and being part of a graduation mean the same?  NOPE. So, the truth didnt set them free, it made them face their reality.

I was called, stuck up, bitch, etc all because of a truthful statement. What is that teaching our kids? It shows them that maybe saying what people WANT to hear is better than being truthful!


TRUTH..
             

1 .the true or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth. .

2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.         

3. a verified or indesputed fact.

 

 

We as parents have to teach our kids no matter what,, the truth is best, but its how you say it.

Like I said in my last post , i was banned from some blogs for being truthful because the truth was something they didnt want to hear. I guess if being truthful makes me a bitch, stuck up, etc,,,So be it!

story of a life

I was adopted at birth by 2 wonderful parents. My dad passed away when i was 18 and in april of this year my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Its funny how when i speak of my MOM people get confussed. To me there is no confussion. Ill get asked, "your real mom" or your other mom? Hmmm I guess to some I have to clarify and to me thats strange. .MOM,,, what defines that? Someone who would give up her life for her child, someone who wipes yucky noses, who goes to doctors appointments, who stays up night after night with a colicky newborn, who when their teen drives away in a car for the first time, cant sit still till they come back in the door then breaths a sigh of releif. I belonged to some blogs that were offended by the term BIRTH MOM or BIRTH mother. They insisted on being called,,FIRST mom or FIRST parent. HMMMMMM weird huh. How were they first when they NEVER PARNETED?? Needless to say I got myself BANNED from their blogs lol! I refused to refer to them like that.
  The lable of mom, mommy, mama,, is something thats earned. Earned by the devotion to our children. So when I speak of my "mom" it will always be about the one who devoted her life to me. That lable can never be givin to another.

let us begin

This blog is a place where I am going to share just about anything. Most of my posts will relate to my open adoption with my son, the Wonderful things my kids do (not) and me being in a reunion with my biological brother and mother. Soooo to begin, I am off for a full 10 weeks, Im a teacher and one of the perks is being off for the whole summer with  my children.  Today begins my vacation,, and of course is cloudy and cool. My kids are all off in school, and Im home. Not sure what to do? Well actually I have errands to run, Im taking my sons bmother to her prenatal appointment. Now, Im sure people think WHAT? You still talk to "that woman" actually shes like a 6th daughter to me. Im not saying things will
always be easy, Im not one of those people who see through rose colored glasses. Im dealing with how Im going to explain to my son that this unborn child is biogolically his half brother. I also have to deal with how he will react. Well this is just a snipit into what I will be blogging about. Hope to have some followers soon, Im off the the doctors! take care all.